Author Archives: jennifer-jenny-jen

“Are you happier?” People ask me, wondering if, in the wake of my divorce, all of the turmoil had been worth it. It’s a tricky question to answer. Yes, I tell them. I’m happier. But it’s a mixed bag of happiness, because it often comes at a high price. I’m content, I tell people, becauseContinue reading “redefining happiness.”

Last night, I was honored to be part of an amazing group of storytellers and listeners who came out to hold space for one another at Hub & Spoke for the inaugural event of the We Rise Storytelling Collective. Over 60 people showed up for the event, some to share their stories, some to listen, andContinue reading “cutting bait.”

I missed an important deadline last week. Over the summer, I discovered that Cleis Press had put out a call for submissions to a follow-up collection of stories from women who left their husbands for other women. Four years ago, when I was struggling with my feelings for another woman and wondering if it wasContinue reading “on missing deadlines.”

This post is dedicated to Cody Thomas, who should have been returning to his classroom this year. I’m honored to have known him for the brief moment I did. When I was young, I always felt like that kid in the front row waving her hand in front of the teacher’s face, silently shouting “I know! I know!” but notContinue reading “going back to school.”

For what it’s worth, in the past 25 years I have spent in therapy, I’ve learned that my mother and I are enmeshed, that she loves me conditionally, that she manipulates me through guilt and shame, and that she will never change. Friends, therapists, family members, and even my mother herself have told me toContinue reading “holding on to something while there’s still something to hold.”

The last few minutes before lights out can be a crapshoot in our house; on any given night my five-year-old is kicking the wall and crying that he’s scared or whining that he is thirsty or appearing like a specter in his big sister’s doorway, wondering if he can sleep in her bed tonight. MyContinue reading “the resilience of kids.”

Tonight, my nine-year-old called her father and I out for fighting in front of her brother and her, again: sadly, although we’d kept our discontent so well hidden from them (or so we thought) before our divorce that she seemed genuinely blindsided by the news that we were splitting up, it’s been harder to containContinue reading “the things we carry.”

We play this game in my family, and I’ve always suspected that it’s called “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” but I’ve never really been sure if we were playing that game or if we were playing “Life” or “Mama’s House” or “Gotcha” or some other game–which could be why I was never quite certain what theContinue reading “playing by the rules of the game.”

Marriage equality has been an important issue for me for as long as I’ve been able to vote; after all, when it became a widely discussed political issue in 1996 it was the reason why several members of my family stopped speaking to each other for three years. Well, to be fair, my vocal supportContinue reading “the irony of marriage equality.”

Many thanks to Judy Brady’s satirical essay “Why I Want a Wife” for the inspiration. I never wanted to be a wife. I didn’t believe in the feminist housewife bullshit; the whole idea of being a stay-at-home mom appalled me. Why my husband married me I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand. Why I marriedContinue reading “why I never wanted to be a wife.”